First off, thank you to everyone who wrote and told me these posts were helping them look ahead to/look into their own reduction surgeries. That made yesterday end on a much better note than it would have otherwise. (Also, in looking back at the posts, I realized that what had felt like no progress was actually a lot of progress over only a few days.)

Yesterday was a bad day. In addition to not having pain under control, I had the weird rash, the allergic reaction, and the realization that this was going to be a longer recovery period than I’d thought. I felt really defeated. M was right: I did have unrealistic expectations. I had to accept that this was going to take a long time and get over it.

Today was better. Sure, my breasts still look like they’ve had the crap kicked out of them (probably not a bad technical description). I’m feeling a little better about it, though.

My goal for the next day or two was to get to the place of not taking any more dilaudid if I could help it. Today I got by with just taking oxycodone, and most of that only taking one pill at a time. Yay, me! Part of this is just not wanting to feel loopy and queasy, but the other part is wanting to get back to normal. And by that, I mean I would like my poor digestive system to get back to normal.

The annoying TMI of narcotics is that they have a tendency to really slow down your digestive system. And what I was taking was strong. Even knowing that, and even being extremely OCD about eating fiber, taking Docusate sodium, and making sure I was adequately hydrated…it’s been uncomfortable. I have been going up and down the stairs a lot, because the other thing that helps is walking. (But I haven’t felt like leaving the house; in fact, I haven’t left the house since Thursday, which is a record for me. Ordinarily, I don’t do cooped up well.)

The annoying TMI of antibiotics is that, by killing off the bacteria in your gut (and elsewhere), it gives other microorganisms, ordinarily held in check by the bacteria, a chance to go crazy. If you’re a woman and you’ve taken antibiotics, you probably already know where this is headed: yeast infections. (In fact, they gave me a script for diflucan with the other scripts. It’s just part of the drill.)

I was actually hoping I’d get a pass on this because of the short use of the Keflex, but no.

See, I’m not all that keen on killing off another entire population of microorganisms if I can help it. Because we deal with chronic yeast infections with Pea (the pediatrician, when we asked how long these would last, told us “puberty”), we are old hats at the baking soda bath. All of Pea’s baths are baking soda baths; it changes the pH of the water enough to alter the surface chemistry of her body, and she rarely gets them now.

So today I took a baking soda bath, read, researched, played Civ IV, then really panicked about money, panicked even more about what I’m going to do with the rest of my life, looked into going into inactive status with the bar but realized it would not save me from the $600 I have to pay by the end of the month*, bitterly resented being poor for a good hour or two, then took a klonopin and watched an hour of Phineas and Ferb with M and Pea. Let’s hear it for emotional numbing agents.

If you discount the fact I was popping oxycodone every four hours, it was almost like a normal day. Except with more bitter and discomfort, but nothing’s perfect.

Okay, wait. I’m trying to make this look like a win, because it was. That I wasn’t so absorbed in feeling physically miserable was huge. I had the reserves necessary to worry about other things, for the first time since the surgery. Go, Day 5.

*The money I thought had been set aside for this wasn’t. What would be a minor inconvenience when we were both working is a huge burden now. I just…yeah. I think this may end up being the last year I pay bar dues in Oregon. I might see about getting licensed in another state. But this is ridiculous.